I know, I know... it's been forever since last I wrote. This baby bump is keeping me busy, both mentally and physically, I literally have no energy to think about anything else.
Last Thursday I was at the last worship/hangout event at one of the school ministries here at WT, and there is something that I noticed up until that day: the majority of the Christian girls/ladies (if not all of them), both from church and the student ministry, are soft-spoken, have a calm and peaceful nature, and overall radiate gentleness. Every, single, one, of them... their clothing is even lady-like and exquisite!
That day, after talking to someone I just met, I found out something that just made me feel embarrassed: I was being loud and bold. I spoke about my pregnancy and my baby's movements and how it felt, and so on.
And I realized... I have an overwhelming personality.
I didn't speak to this person again that night, and probably never will... That happens to me a lot. I speak with people I just met and I try to be friendly and outgoing... but I end up, somehow, scaring them away. And even after I see them a couple of days later and I wave at them from a distance, they smile as if I was a stranger, not as if they knew me from somewhere...
...and all because I don't have a single gentle bone in my body. At all.
I know what my closest friends will tell me, "But you are so sweet!" "you have a great personality" "I think you are girly enough!"... and so on. (I will say this: I have one of the most caring hearts on the planet. I want people to be ok, to be happy and not hurting. I want to be there for friends and I want them to be able to talk to me about anything.)
I am an open book, I will pretty much talk about anything and everything without shame, from simple things to very deep things, even uncomfortable things! I will talk about anything, and listen to anything and anyone... and though sometimes that's a good thing (makes me a person easy to talk to)...sometimes I can be overwhelming with how much I talk the first time I meet someone.
So, every single time I step in church or in that student ministry, I feel like a wild turkey amongst swans: around me there are these beautiful church girls, cutely dressed, chattering around me, laughing sweetly, speaking softly...
...and then there's me. Dressed in black (mostly), talking and making bold hand movements...actually, my whole body moves when I talk! Either way, I stick out like a sore thumb (and no, that is not a pregnant woman joke).
But you know what? Even flowers come on all shapes and sizes, right? Some are bold and some are small and delicate...and probably if I were a flower, I'd be something weird like a weed, or a thorny bush with flowers... maybe a rose: bold and thorny.
I think I'm ok with that! :)
Blessings,
Natalie <3
